“Lions and Tigers and Bears!”

More like a mouse, a snake and a spider. Oh, My!

Photo by Giuseppe Martini on Unsplash

Well, my day started out relatively un-flavorful, except my coffee was quite full-bodied and delish.

Then my son, nonchalantly noted on the way to my car, “Hey mom! Look at the cute baby mouse!”

“Cute-baby-mouse” is wonderful in Beatrix Potter’s world. I’m very fond of that. Nothing more.

My ears did a Copper-Cat twitchy thing — sort of forward, sort of flat back. Which made me realize why our cat had walked us to the front door and would not stop sniffing. That’s normally prime kitty-cat-naptime. However, this cat is brilliant. I need to take better notes.

Back to my story about the wee mousy.

I scooted to the front of the car and sure enough, it was a mouse who then decided to slip under the garage door. The crack was maybe .25 inches. Ridiculously small. I envied mousy for being so thin. Then obsessed over what and where it could/would go.

Did it bring friends?

Were friends/fam on the other side?

Is this an isolated incident?

I don’t always like how my mind stores all its nuts in one tree — but so be it.

After dropping my son off to catch his bus for work, I beelined to the grocery store for mouse traps. Not the snappy kind. I can’t set them properly and I sincerely dread the snap sound when it’s been triggered. That leaves me at gross.

Once home I went into the garage and there was Mr./Ms. mouse and me and a broom and just about every other word coming out of my mouth wasn’t kind.

I apologized to the mouse.

I told it ‘please, please leave because those traps I’ve set will taste horrible and then you’ll die and if you take it back to your village they will die too.’

Eventually — I really, really don’t know how — swept it out and then chased it.

Swiftly I came inside and closed the garage door.

This led me to research ‘how to mouse proof your house’.

There were a lot of videos to watch. Apparently, people like doing this sort of thing. “Prevention is better than cure,” this one guy kept repeating. My head was hurting so I made more coffee which really wasn’t necessary since adrenaline is like pure raw sugar cane. I was zippy. Still am. I don’t think I will sleep for a very long time.

Nevertheless, I realized I have a lot to do to mouse-proof which included mowing the lawn to keep the grass shorter and therefore fewer mouse hiding places.

I wish I didn’t read that.

I mowed. BUT this wasn’t the best thing to do because then a snake slithered OVER my sneakers.

I screamed. End of that part of the story.

Later I looked up what garter snakes eat — mice and other small things. Yum and yay for the food chain thingy.

It still doesn’t get better. Mouse + snake led to the next part of my ridiculously crazed story.

Since I had to take the mower out of the garage, after lining the base of the garage door with 4 traps, because I read earlier that rats can ‘race inside your garage if the door is left open.’ (Holy f’n shit. No. No. No.)

So, I closed the garage door (‘prevention is better than cure’) and had to use the back door to go inside to open the garage door to put the mower back inside.

What was on the back door? Low and behold — a giant spider. Quick estimate: 3-inches in diameter, including the legs. Body was a plump 1.75 inches. Again. No. No. No.

I dislike spiders more than anything.

Back to the garage. Found the bug spray. Sprayed spider while apologizing to it. (I’m very sorry to all the people who gently carry spiders to safety.) I am not one of them.

Current status:

Mouse: 🐁 No longer in the garage.

Spider: He’s not doing so well. 😝 Used a broom and swept him away. Far, far, away.

Snake: 🐍 Slithered very, very quickly and that is very, very good. I believe the lawn mower was a motivating contribution to its speed.

Me: Had to shower twice because everything feels extra creepy and crawly. Then I placed a sizeable order for sheet metal, hardware cloth, garage door rodent guard and some foam-crack-spray. My virtual cart also hosts 12 outdoor traps and bait but that can wait. I need a break.

And to think I was worried, what I could write today!?! I have nothing to say! (Ha!! Joke’s on me!)

Although, it wasn’t exactly, “Lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my!” Instead it was a suburban rendition. I’m clearly not ready for the wilderness.

Carolyn Riker is a poet, writer and author. She has two books of poetry: Blue Clouds and This is Love. In addition to writing, she has a private practice as a highly sensitive mental health therapist. If you would like to read more of her words, follow her on Facebook at Carolyn Riker, MA, LMHC.

Dreamer. Poet. HSP. Empath. Licensed MH Therapist. 3 books published. 3X Top Writer. Love espressos & my chunky cat. www.carolynriker.com

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