Sometimes We Push Away What We Need the Most

Learning how to accept love, kindness and friendship.

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Photo by Jonas Vincent on Unsplash

Sometimes, when we get too close to what hurts us, we push away what we need the most.

It feels inconceivable to be taken care of and loved.

Too much of a good thing such as kindness, genuineness, friendliness, happiness gets twisted because they are strange particles from a distance land — it is incongruent to our soul and causes a double bind or a cognitive dissonance.

We question ourselves; how could this be real? This is not my lived experience.

We can’t comprehend how someone could be concerned with our well-being or generous in their attention and appreciating us.

We automatically wait for the familiar admonishment — “you aren’t good enough to be seen. You are a lie. You aren’t worldly and articulate enough. You stutter. Too skinny. Too fat. You are too shy. You are too young, too old, too much of something. Be stoic. Don’t cry. Do more. Be perfect. You don’t fit in. You will always be an outcast.”

So, with the need to survive and to protect ourselves when love and kindness comes along, we might push away what we need the most.

We might create a self-fulling prophecy because our guard is inordinately high. Such that we don’t even realize we have our guards up.

We are not yet aware that love, kindness, genuineness, connecting with heartfulness is healthy and natural.

What a shock to have this revelation as we grow whole, holy, and more centered in our truths!

Gradually, though we learn to welcome this new way.

But trust takes time to integrate and we might not even be aware what love looks like through our clouded perception until we taste a bit, let it simmer, seep and wrap around the old hurts unfamiliar with its sweet nectar.

Being cared for, is not the enemy but it can be a budding ally.

Carolyn Riker, MA, LMHC, is a psychotherapist and author of three books. Her latest is My Dear, Love Hasn’t Forgotten You. If you’d like, follow her on Facebook at Carolyn Riker, MA, LMHC or Instagram.

Dreamer. Poet. HSP. Empath. Licensed MH Therapist. 3 books published. 3X Top Writer. Love espressos & my chunky cat.

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