How to Let Go of People Who are Not Prepared to Love Us

Are mixed signals the authentic messenger?

Carolyn Riker
3 min readAug 2, 2021


Photo by Igor Mariano on Unsplash

“Let go the people who are not prepared to love you. This is the hardest thing you will have to do in your life, and it will also be the most important thing. — Anthony Hopkins

We know, not everyone will love us, and sometimes, those who say they do really don’t! What a mixed signal! With the latter, we sense an undercurrent of contrary feelings. We notice something is off but can’t quite put our finger on it. Yet we feel the mixed signal, deep, deep, deep down in our gut.

One of the most challenging life lessons is to stop trying to gain any sort of close relationship with a person who doesn’t accept us as we are. Of course, we aren’t perfect, and that is the crux of being human. Our imperfect quirks are our beauty and intelligence.

Here’s a way to help us let go of people who are not prepared to love us is to watch out for mixed signals.

“In the context of relationships, mixed signals are when a person is expressing interest in someone while also simultaneously expressing a lack of interest or a desire to keep their distance, causing confusion for the other person.” — Abby Moore, Assistant Managing Editor at Mind Body Green.

In the book Dreambody: The Body’s Role in Healing Itself, Dr. Arnold Mindell, refers to a mixed signal as a double signal which he shares is the authentic voice of what a person is often unconsciously communicating. Mindell believes that the double signal is the actual messenger.

For instance, have you ever seen someone smile while they give sad news? Or a person gives you a compliment, but both hands are in a fist! A friend tells you they are proud of you for getting a promotion while their voice is sharp, and they have a clenched jaw.

Listen to your gut instinct — this doesn’t feel right, and notice the double signals. This will help you to see what is really going on, because we begin to trust our intuition. We learn to understand some close relationships are simply unhealthy.

Period. Full stop. Let’s shake off those bad vibes and disconnect.

Your intuition is like a tuning fork. Relationships that resonate with us fills us. Listen carefully and learn to follow it. In my next article, I’ll write about a second way to let go of people who aren’t good for us by creating personal boundaries.

More articles from the counseling corner:

The Root of Toxic Relationships. The role models we grow up with are… | by Carolyn Riker | Medium

Pause and Notice the Sweet Gifts of Synchronicity | by Carolyn Riker | ILLUMINATION-Curated | Jun, 2021 | Medium

Carolyn Riker is the author of three beautiful books of poetry and prose. She’s also a licensed mental health therapist in private practice. Her books are available on Amazon.



Carolyn Riker

Carolyn's latest book, The Colors I Hear, is now available!